The Fall & Killer at Large

The Fall is just the best movie. Aside from a ton of other movies that have a well put together plot and make more sense. It is generally a very good movie. It's one of those movies that is very visually stimulating, so stimulating that you completely don't understand what the story is about. And it doesn't matter! Who cares!? Lee Pace cares, that little girl cares, but they were there so they know what's happening.

I've seen that movie a million times, and I was recovering from diarrhea-inducing amusement park food, so I threw on a movie. But my boyfriend threw on Killer at Large, a documentary about obesity in America. I didn't ask why he picked that one, but I'm guessing it had something to do with the people at the amusement park. I mean, these people were uniformly overweight and disgusting. It obviously had a lot to do with how hot it was, but more-so about how significantly overweight everyone was, and in a bathing suit.

A saw a boy who was about 7 years old and and roughly my weight. I felt terrible for him. I felt even worse when his dearest mommy bought him a pile of candy and deep fried everything. Gross. He has no chance in life to not have rickets or diabetes.

So this documentary was beyond low budget, but was very informative when it came to telling me how fat everyone can be and how it's the government's fault. I get the argument that other people should be responsible for your children. But I more believe in the argument that you should be responsible for your own children. I don't have kids. But my parents did! And the three of us went to a shitty public school, where they offered awful food. We got voted worst public food in the state and I'm pretty sure that included the jails. Point is, yes there were definitely fat people at my high school, and some of them should have put down the fork (shovel), but the three of us are in great shape.

Our parents fed us every night a great healthy meal, and made sure there was left-overs if they weren't able to cook. They didn't leave a pile of candy on the table with a note saying "we went to McDonalds to pick up dinner, so this is to hold you over till we get home". No, parents need to stop feeding their kids garbage. If you're not in the position to feed your kids or control what they eat, it's called not being a parent. So it's one or the other, people.

I never realized how many unfit parents there are, but go to Six Flags on a summer holiday. It's like a magnet for these people. I saw this mom ask her 3 year old 'what the fuck his problem was' when he got too excited AT A THEME PARK. If I had kids, I would be anything but surprised if my child got excited over being at Six Flags. In fact I'd be more apt to ask him what his problem was if he was all mellow and boring. Go nuts mini-me! Go run senselessly into a stranger's crotch by accident! Yell at the worker to let you on the roller coaster even though you're 1/4 of an inch too short! Tell me how much you love me more than your biological parents! But no.

So to all of you seven readers who accidentally clicked on this site thinking it was porn, tell all your amusement park frequenters that they're more than likely bad parent, or overweight. Or nothing, whatever.

Don't forget to reblog or comment, or both, or just watch Parks and Recreation. It's all the same to me.

Love,

Database.

Park and Recreation

This is only titled Parks and Recreation, because that's what I'm watching right now. Which if you haven't been reading my blog regularly, which you should be, you'd find that I often will start with telling you what I'm watching and then drift off into random mindless nonsense. You love it though. That's why you're here.

So Parks and Rec is amazing. I've seen every episode about 45 times and memorized every line and miraculously still manage to have a healthy relationship, and a job. I'm watching season 3 episode 1 (maybe) where Leslie makes Anne Perkins go on a date with Chris (Adam Lowe) and then Chris cries, so they start to plan the Harvest Festival. Very good build up to the Festival. Very festive. Very harvest. I love every character in this show. From April and Ron who are the best by any standard, to Jean-Ralphio and Joan Callamezzo.

So this weekend is Memorial Day, which is no different to me than just having a Monday off for no reason. So far this weekend I've worked at my restaurant and was there till midnight and then went out with some coworkers and got drunk and ended up talking about my cats like they're people. The usual Friday night. Saturday night, I went to a party with my boyfriend and then had to leave early so that I could work at some sort of bar where people go to really 'be themselves'. I had to wear a singlet, because it was wrestling night. It was less than flattering. It wouldn't be so bad if I looked like this guy did in it. Regardless, it would be nice if it payed off and the dudes piled into the bar and threw money at us, but that wasn't the case. The only pile was three guys who had some serious thing for rubbing each others' backs and arms. That seemed to work out for them in the end. Maybe.

So back to Parks and Recreation, they are starting to put on the Harvest Festival and Leslie and Ben are starting to realize they love each other or whatever. They put all sort of weird hard work into the Harvest Festival, but it pays off for them, big time! But Tommy and I put in weird hard work at the bar and we didn't get much in return. Well not hard work but definitely weird. I felt like I was working in a leotard and I was a beautiful spandex butterfly in My Fair Lady. See how everything comes together? See how being humiliated in a spandex sex/wrestling outfit can so easily come together with a fictional festival that saves the city of Pawnee's Parks department? EASY.

So I have off tomorrow, because a.) It's Memorial Day, and b.) I don't work at a 9-5 job and often have Mondays off. Tomorrow, I plan to spend the day with my boyfriend getting a sunburn and getting lost somewhere on the coast of CT wondering why my phone is dead and how the fuck am I supposed to find my way home.

Help.

Love

Database.

The Artist & Blue Valentine

It took me 3 days, but I finished watching The Artist. Not because it wasn't good or anything, it was actually kinda great! But I have narcolepsy, which I practice like a religion, which gets me out of arguments with people, excuses for falling down stairs, and a reason why I don't have to drive on long road trips.

It's hard to say what I liked about The Artist, because it's usually dialog that I like. I have a hard enough time remember names when the actors aren't completely silent. I watched Friends for four years before I got all their names down pat. My boyfriend is worse. He's like an Olympian at forgetting names and replacing then with something remotely similar. Usually the two names start with the same letter and everything else is just like Mad Libs. Right now I'm watching Blue Valentine and there is a character named Megan, and I don't really know if it's the dog, Michelle Williams, or the daughter.

Back to The Artist.

My favorite part was where they chose to make the movie silent in case Christian Bale shows up and starts screaming at people. Other then that the movie was a weird love story. They didn't really explain anything, especially how the wife played a 4 minute part and then suddenly he was a like 'whatever I like that dancer girl', or as they said it in the film "_". Missi Pyle was in the movie for a blinking second and was fourth billed. So there's that.

Berenice Bejo was the starlet of this film, yet got nominated for supporting actress. I find that odd especially since Anthony Hopkins in Silence of the Lambs was in that movie about the guy who eats fava beans and a nice Chianti with a side of human brains and WON best actor. that's racist! It's against the French (or women?) and it's for Hannibal! (cannibal?)

Great movie, great people. Great service. Whatever. This Amaretto Di Saronno is kicking in and I can't remember what I'm talking about.

So this movie Blue Valentine is about two hicks and their daughter and the dog probably died or a car crash. They supposedly live in Brooklyn, NY, but there is grass and a yard around their house, and I don't think Brooklyn has had grass in about 90 years. Maybe it wasn't Brooklyn. Maybe it wasn't New York? I'm not even entirely sure if that's Ryan Gosling, with a bald spot.

Definitely not New York! I just saw a gas station with a sign under $3.00. So Maybe it was The Artist that was in New York. That's gotta be it.


Maybe because I didn't grow up in a family with absolute lunatics, but in my experience as a human beings, people don't freak out as easily in real life as they do in movies, that might just be me though. Similarly, people say 'goodbye' on the phone and don't just hang up. No one does that! Maybe cops.

I'm gonna go out on a whim and watch this movie without doing anything else until a little bit later.
 Don't miss me!

I SAID DON'T!

__

So the not doing anything aspect of my not doing anything plan didn't work out. i actually cooked myself a full meal, rearranged a piece of furniture (only because there was a cat in it and I had to keep him safe). I paused the movie, which I kinda wish I didn't. This movie is oddly keeping me on the edge of my seat, and the anxiety is killing me.

I feel like this is supposed to be an off-beat romance, or He's gonna kill her in the end. This movie is half over and I already don't care if he kills her for no reason other than for the sake of this movie, and she's also Marilyn Monroe (?)

I'm gonna stop writing, I'm getting too tipsy to keep up correct syntax. 1/2 of a drink more and I'll be telling you about my problems and wondering where the cats are. Where are the cats?

Kill me, kill this movie, kill the girl.

<3

Database.

Beginners

I'm watching Beginners. It's that movie where Ewan McGregor has a gay dad and nothing is in chronological order and his dad is an Oscar winning gay supporting actor.

I would probably like the movie a lot more if:
A. There was a point to it
B. I was paying more attention
and
C. I knew it wasn't in chronological order to begin with, because I got too confused and swore off the movie altogether for the first half.

Christopher Plumber is super awesome at being gay for a younger European dude. Sometimes I feel like when I go long enough without Thai food, I become that gay for Pad Thai, or Green Curry. So by rule of comparison, I'm an Oscar winning Thai food craver. or wanter? I'll update you on what my little statue says when I get it at the ceremony.

I normally don't understand what directors, or writers are trying to accomplish with certain films, and this is one of those cases. Maybe if I talk it out.

They tell you in the beginning that his parents die and the dad is gay and 75. Not in that order, obviously. There's the boyfriend who says an awkward comment about how he's into older guys because of a bad relationship with his father. Ewan meets a girl who can't speak and they fall in love, and it turns out she can speak, and it's in some ridiculous accent. Ewan is talking to his dog like a person and apologizing to it for whatever reason. There is a little boy with his mother, that turns out to be Ewan as a baby. There is a very funny scene that just happened where the mother told someone that her son's appendix erupted. Make sure you check that part out.

That pretty much sums it up. there are 15 freaking minutes left and I don't think there is any way to wrap this thing up because there are pieces of stories that don't connect. It's like trying to figure out how to make a taco and you don't have the shell, you have lettuce that isn't cut up, a hamburger, 4 stale french fries, a bag of wine, and a toothbrush, but somehow Taco Bell is all like, "We'll figure this out, chew carefully"

Why can't all movies and TV shows be like Parks and Recreation. That show is incredible. If every show was like that, then we'd all be set. We'd have Leslie Knope as our city counselor, which I think is a mayor for places that don't have enough people in them.

So watch Beginners and tell me what you think, or don't. I don't care. 2 out of 4 stars.

Peace and Love and Thai Food.

Database.

The Descendants.

Jesus, I pluck one sensitive nose hair out and I go into a fit of sneezing for an hour.

I just watched The Descendants, well, still finishing it. So George Clooney's cheating wife is dying and they're trying to sell a huge amount of land because of royalty something (?). I like how at the very end they make it about Hawaiian issues instead of what the movie was really about, which was the daughter, I think. If you saw the movie, you'd understand. Or maybe not.

This next part is me going to be me bragging a little bit, which I'm not really a fan of. Aside from how nice my teeth are, and I never had braces. But okay, bragging: I went to school in Hawai`i and studied Hawaiian culture and issues for a bit. The only way that anyone could understand 1/3 of the movie would be to know what is going on in Hawai`i and it's history. Judy Greer just started freaking out at the comatose wife! I thought she was gonna stab her or something! Shit just got real! Oh, it stopped.

Anywho, this movie was really great, I mostly understand what the story was supposed to be about, although the focus was as centered as an earthquake. My cats didn't really enjoy it, one of them slept through the whole thing, and the other watched me play with my phone for an hour.

I'm sure the movie didn't intend for me to have the following thoughts, but I was thinking about how I deal with issues, and usually it consists of me running away and disappearing until everything cools down, or forever, whichever one comes first. Then I thought about how many times I've wanted to run away from various things, and how many times I have run away. I mean, I'm really running out of places to go! If I actually followed through with just abandoning everything all the time, I'd have made a lot of sad enemies, and gathered quite a few frequent flyer miles.

"Flying on business?"

"No, I just make a lot of mistakes."

"Oh, well that's interesting!"

"It really is, I just left Connectic...."

"Well not too interesting, I'm gonna put my headphones back in and pretend I don't speak English"

This happens too often to me where I completely lose control of how emotions are processed and can't express them to the people I'm having difficulties with, and end up spewing them on strangers on airplanes or the neighbors' children when the parents aren't home.

That's enough of this ramble.

I love you like a love song, baby.

Thanks for everything Julie Newmar

I was thinking. We all have something in us, obviously. I just watched To Wong Foo. It's a movie about drag queens and it's pretty funny. But it's about being who you are, and something about changing a town of 27 people and Stockard Channing throws her husband out. But if we all have something in us that needs to be expressed and brought out in some odd way, how do we all discover it?

I'm not implying even the slightest chance that I am a drag queen, but I've always felt as if there was something weird and dark inside of me, and I never knew exactly what it was or how to explain it. Does that mean that if I never really explore it or try to find out what it is that it  will just stay there like some mole that I can't afford to remove? Well it's not a mole, but it's definitely something, but the doctor says it's nothing. Anyway. My point today is that what if you never get the opportunity to find out who you really are and what you really love?

What if you never get the chance to try it? Even worse, what if you DO get the chance to try it, and you spend years and years trying to figure it out, and nothing comes of it, and you're just some sad souls who's done a bunch of weird and shameful their entire life and everyone knows about it and maybe your name is Courtney Love or Lindsay Lohan. Who knows.

Patrick Swayze definitely played a very pretty woman though. And John Leguizamo makes the ugliest lady I've ever seen. And although I'm 18 years late on telling you that from a blog that no one (including myself) reads, I think it needs to be said. Wesley Snipes should stick to being a dude, or vampire or whatever.

(This next part almost ties in somehow)

'Anonymous' is in the 2012 Time's magazine's most influential people. That makes me a little sadder than Rihanna and Chelsea Handler being on that list.

So to all of you out there in the internet (all of you Time's-magazine-awarded no ones), be yourself and don't get too upset if you don't find yourself, because in the end you find something. And something is better than nothing. Well, in most cases. I would have definitely taken nothing over the Holocaust, or watching the Antichrist.

Love you all! (A little.)

Antichrist.

You're probably expecting some sort of dark and dismal entry here because of the post's title. I'm actually referring to the movie by Lars Von Trier though.

I've seen a few other movies of his, there is that one where Kirstin Dunst doesn't care about her wedding and then a planet kills her and her sister, and that other one where Bjork plays a lunatic(herself?) that sings a terrible song at her own hanging.

Well, this movie isn't any less crazy, because it starts out with a nice orchestral background music played over Willem Defoe's old penis going inside someone in slow motion and black and white, while his son jumps out a window. Clearly I have high expectations for this movie.

I've only thrown up twice in the first 1/2 hour and googled/wikipedia'd what's happening , so I think I'm ahead of the game on this one. Better than that time I watched Tree of Life. I mean Jesus Christ that movie was an hour and a half too long.

My philosophical  nonsense that I was getting to was that when they showed the would-have-been-porn scene with Willem Defoe, I wondered if out there somewhere there is some kind of super artsy porn what's in black and white, and really graphic and just as entertaining and thought provoking as it is erotic. If anyone out there is gonna take a go at it, for the love of anything sacred don't use Willem Defoe. He's anything but attractive. He looks like an alien super-villain. Use Joe Rogan and some blonde famous tennis chick. And gays, if you wanna get artsy, use Joe Rogan and LL Cool J. I'm sure they'd be down for some serious art.

This movie is half over and I can already whole-heartedly not recommend it to anyone.

I can't tell if it's depressing or terrifying.


Enough of this post, and enough of this movie. I should you give in and play World of Warcraft.

I wanna dance, and love and dance some more afterwards.

Dammit. I just wrote something fairly long and partially meaningful and then I deleted it, because I have the attention span of an ice cube. (Or goldfish, whatever)

The point of my deleted story was that I used to lie about my age for no real reason other than to stop people from saying "OMG you're so young! You're a baby! I can be your father/mother/stepmother(?)"

Then something about J Lo and her boyfriend being younger than her, but it's actually the same age gap as my boyfriend and mine. I made a pretty good reference/joke about her new song and how she dances twice and loves and blah blah blah.

Point is, I have an older boyfriend and my coworker might have a problem with that, and the whole OTHER point (multi point) is that I wanted to know if she would look at me different if she knew my real age. I guess it matters a lot less than I thought when I first started the original entry.

That picture is what you'd find if you took a picture of how I feel right now.

Also, screw you most of North Carolina for going anti-gay, and yay Obama for declaring that he thinks it's a good idea for gays to marry. Which actually means nothing more than one person believes in basic human equality. 

I just watched Young Adult, and yikes.